This article provides guidelines for writing your own obituary, suggestions for a eulogy, and for choosing an epitaph if you plan to have a grave marker or memorial marker.
The obituary notifies individuals in a community about a death. Traditionally, obituaries were published in local newspapers and prepared by a funeral director from a template provided by the funeral home and/or the news-paper. Many of these newspaper obituaries are now available electronically on newspapers and funeral home websites. These websites also allow the reader to post thoughts and condolences to the family and other readers of the obituary.
There is a trend in the newspaper business to assign an obituary to a staff writer. For the most part, these obituaries started as prepared pieces about prominent individuals in the news. But since the tragedy of the 3,000 lives lost in the World Trade Center, obituary writers began doing more “man-on-the street” obituaries. First a definition of terms.
Obituary Terms
- Obituary—a record or announcement of a death, especially in a newspaper; usually is a brief biographical sketch of the deceased.
- Eulogy—a short speech or written narrative praising the character, quality, and services of a deceased person.
- Epitaph—an inscription upon a tomb/tombstone that is a brief composition characterizing the deceased person.
The Basic Obituary
This is sometimes referred to as the resumé, the life line, a minor genealogy, the “tomb-stone,” or the “desperate chronology.”
Name/Announcement
- Full name of the deceased, including nickname, if any
- Age at death
- Residence; i.e. name of the city at death
- Day and date of death
- Place where death occurred
- Cause of death (optional)
Life
- Date of birth
- Place of birth
- Parents’ names (including mother’s maiden name, if available)
- Childhood: siblings, schools
- Marriage(s): date of, place, name of Spouse(s)
- Education: school, college, university, and other
- Designations, awards, and other recognitions
- Employment: jobs, activities, promotions, union activities
- Places of residence
- Hobbies, sports, interests, activities, and other enjoyment
- Charitable, religious, fraternal, political, and other affiliations; positions held
- Achievements
Family
- Survived by (and place of residence):
- Children (in order of birth, and their spouses)
- Grandchildren names optional; at minimum, the number
- Great-grandchildren
- Great-great-grandchildren
- Grandparents (optional)
- Siblings (in order of birth)
- Others: nieces, nephews, cousins, in-laws
- Pets (if appropriate)
The trend is to write a fascinating obituary that pushes basic facts to the background—items you would like to be remembered for, anecdotes about your life and/or personal recollections become the centerpiece. These are the items now being used by news media to bring the person “to life.” Remember, in writing your own obituary, you are writing about the person you know best─yourself. What are the achievements, accomplishments, activities for which you would like best to be remembered: a local or national honor, a personal life hurdle success-fully crossed, a childhood memory that set a course for your life? While not wanting to create a résumé or biography, a short synopsis of your life will help to focus your thoughts and ideas before you begin to write your obituary.
This document may tell your family and friends facts about your life that they will cherish. Think of all the times you have attended a memorial service or funeral. A well-written eulogy may make you say to yourself, “Why, I would have loved to know that while that person was alive.” It would have been a way to build a stronger bond.
Your personally written obituary may also serve the same purpose if shared with others before your death. In the Rotary International Clubs, a brief presentation by an individual on joining the club is given. This statement usually becomes the basis for further personal connections among the members. Think of it also as a “Show and Tell” about yourself where you may include childhood friends, amusing stories, disappointments – this is an opportunity to tell your story your way.
Historically, the obituary was a record of someone’s death, from the Latin “obit-he died”. One of the earliest recorded English references is from 1597: Guillemean’s A Manual for Myself, to Obituate and Address My Memory.
Remember, this is your life! Tell it like the story you want people to remember.
A Cautionary Note
No matter what you submit to newspapers, it is their prerogative to cut and trim and rewrite to fit their own obituary rules and their space available. Just about the only newspapers where one might find “printed as submitted” obituaries are in very small towns. Most newspapers charge by the column line or inch and some charge by the word. It is often the most profitable portion of the paper.
If the family is submitting the obituary to the newspaper independent of the funeral home, check the funeral home’s billing statement line-by-line to be positive they haven’t inserted an obituary-submission and/or obituary preparation charge. You do not have to approve or pay for the funeral home’s logo, often inserted at the end of the obituary.
References
The Dead Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries by Marilyn Johnson. Harper Perennial, New York NY, 2006,2007
Life on the Dead Beat: A Handbook for Obituary Writers by Alena Baranich, Stephen Miller and Jim Sheeler. Marion Strat Press, Inc., Oak Park IL, 2005.
